The Christmas Zombie

Two weeks until Christmas!  I am not ashamed to say that this holiday makes me giddy and excited, as if Santa were coming to unload a mountain of fabulous presents for ME.  The magic of it all is not lost on this "mature" co-ed.  HOWEVER [I declare emphatically - are you listening?] this Mom is TIRED beyond words.  Papers to write, presentations to give, finals to study for, juries to practice for, (is it bad that I am contemplating going back and fixing the grammar in the previous line...as in, "finals for which to study"?), birthday parties to host, houses to clean, meals to cook, laundry to do...etc, etc, etc.  All I want is a long winter's nap!  I'm trying to force myself to participate in the festivities around me, but am not entirely present for any of it.  The Christmas Zombie!  And for some crazy reason, this zombie decided it a good idea to stay up and write a blog entry...it HAS been almost a month since the last.  But, let's be honest.  My brain has been zombified and I have nothing worthwhile to say.  With all the end-of-semester gobbledy gook floating around in there, it's a miracle I even know my own name!  I promise, oh faithful readers, - all 3 of you - to write more when school is over and I am de-zombified.  

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Recently, someone said something to me that caught me off guard and made me think.  To protect the innocent, I will not divulge the actual comment.   However, I can say that it made me think about priorities and how we [people] define ourselves.  We are what we eat, right?  tehe...couldn't resist.  Seriously, though, people define themselves based on political party, religion, career, monetary status, etc.  "I am a this...I am a that"...blah, blah, blah!  I'd like to think we are all complicated and intricate beings that defy definition: )  Here's what I'm thinking about today:  does the thing in life to which you devote the majority of your time necessarily have to be your #1 priority?  Many of us spend most of our time at a job.  Does this make it more important than our family?  If I'm currently devoting the majority of my time to school, does that mean it takes priority over my children and my husband?  I'd like to believe it does not.  I'm thinking that perhaps the thing I'd drop everything for is an indicator of priority.  No matter what I'm giving my time to, I would always drop everything and run for the people in my life whom I love!  Don't most of us work  in order to contribute to our family, anyway?  

Clown-Skins

Halloween is upon us, which always brings mixed feelings for me.  The boy has had some traumatic Halloweens, to say the least.  Last year was the first time he was able to say those necessary Halloween words, "Trick-or-Treat".  Every year, he would be so excited, but then when the time came, his Selective Mutism would take over and he would freeze in his tracks.  I'll never forget one year when a neighbor told him he couldn't have any candy if he didn't say trick-or-treat.  He stood there, trembling, and then walked away with his head down, choking back his tears.  Now he's a fully speaking 4th grader and excited about Halloween...sort of.  A week ago, his school hosted a "Boogie Bash" ~ a Halloween-themed dance.  The kids were to come in costume.  He worked on perfecting his costume all afternoon and was all decked out in an "old man clown" outfit, which was pretty hilarious.  As we pulled up to his spooked-out elementary school, the panic ensued.  He became certain he wasn't supposed to be in a costume.  We sat in the car and watched about 10 kids enter, all dressed up, before he was convinced the costume was acceptable attire.  We took our place in the mob of ghouls, fairies, and superheros and awaited our turn to purchase tickets.  Within moments, a small gathering formed around the boy as the kids laughed and laughed at his silly costume.  Under his big, clowny smile, I could see the real mouth of the boy fighting to stay positive.  Tears welled and he quickly stated that he wanted to leave.  I gave him a zillion pep talks, reminding him his costume was supposed to be funny and so laughter was the appropriate response.  He just couldn't feel comfortable in this foreign skin that was bringing so much attention, albeit positive.  Did you ever feel uncomfortable in your own skin, even though you knew you were doing what you were supposed to be doing?  I have been feeling this way for several weeks!  I know finishing school is the right thing to do and that I am right where I belong, but most of the time I feel uncomfortable in my own skin - like I'm wearing a clown-skin and drawing unwanted attention to myself!  The boy ended up winning a costume contest at the Boogie Bash, which helped him relax a bit and feel it was worth all the attention.  As for myself, I think for the rest of this journey, I will consider my undergrad status as a stint in a clown-suit and my prize will be my degree!  Happy Halloween!

The "S" Word

So, the boy went to his first, big-time audition on Thursday and was probably most excited about the fact that one of his lines had a 4 letter word in it!  He was totally stoked that Mom gave him permission to use the "S" word!  While I found his excitement over cursing amusing, I have another "S" word I'd like to pick a bone with today.  I find this particular "S" word to be thrown about, all willy-nilly, and often overused (and quite frankly, misunderstood).  The word is STRESS!!!!  It's all the rage these days!  Everyone's STRESSed out.  There are pills for STRESS.  There are creams for STRESS.  There are tests for STRESS!  An awful lot of STRESS talk going on, but what does it really mean?  As far as I can tell, every single human (and many of our animal friends) are STRESSed out every day!  Right?  Well, let's see.  I looked up STRESS and found a long list of definitions.  According to Dictionary.com, one of these definitions is: physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.  Sounds about right.  Okay, so let's see a show of hands.  How many of you feel some sort of physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension EVERY SINGLE DAY?  ME, TOO!!!!  I mean, let's face it.  Our world is just one big STRESS factory.  The thing that really irks me, though, is when everyone wants to compare their levels of STRESS.  I mean, come on people, my STRESS is definitely much worse than yours!!!!!  I'm guilty of it as much as the next guy.  You complain about your STRESSful day and all I can think is, "Oh, please!  That's nothing!  Wait 'til you hear what I went through today!".  So, let's just agree that we're all STRESSed out and maybe think about letting go of some of that tension.  I feel like most of the STRESS we feel we bring on ourselves.  Let's just do some yoga and learn to go with the flow!  Try to find the positive in your situations.  This transition in my life is bringing me the pimples of a teenager, but I'm going to try and look on the bright side - it helps me blend in with my classmates: ) 

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming

Have you noticed the infrequency of my blog posts?  Yes, it's true!  I'm a tad overwhelmed.  This little project of mine has turned out to be a bit more than I bargained for.  Homework is taking up SO much time, I feel like I'm slacking on the important things a bit!  Last week, I was called out of class to pick up the boy.  While he was recovering and I was fighting off the same illness, I had to make time for the girl's marathon birthday week!  Visiting her class to make music with them, preparing a special birthday treat for her to take to school (no cupcakes here - we took strawberries with homemade whipped cream), a cake (grain-free) on her actual birthday, and of course the Princess Tea Party on the weekend!  Whew!  Cleaning and cooking were the theme of this week's story.  I feel like my mind is constantly swimming with information I'm supposed to retain, dates and times to keep track of, grocery lists, songs to sing, etc.  I try to write it all down, to create a task list on the computer, to send myself reminder emails...inevitably I find I ALMOST forget SOMETHING on a pretty regular basis.  Sometimes I find myself telling my kids to be quiet, simply because I can't hear myself think - literally!  The girl had a fabulous birthday and I know that's what's important.  But, I was distracted by the never-ending to-do list in my brain.  I'm barely keeping my head above water, but I keep thinking of the beloved Dori from Finding Nemo and tell myself to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming."     

No Sickness on a Weekday!

Well, the inevitable happened.  After her first week of preschool, the girl came home ill on Friday.  A sore throat turned stuffy nose with an extra helping of crankiness.  In our home, medication is a last resort; we treat most illness with rest, water, and healing foods.  And so, I took extra care of my baby over the weekend, with the hope that she'd be well enough for school come Monday.  She got up this morning with a scratchy voice and stuffy nose.  The little circles under her eyes and her pasty skin made it quickly clear that she was indeed not entirely well yet.  Sigh.  The stay-at-home Mom within me would have kept her home from school, cuddling on the couch, drinking homemade broth with lots of raw garlic.  But, alas, I am a stay-at-home Mom no longer!  What to do?  She did not have a fever (not at all since Friday) and her nose was not running.  She seemed to perk up a bit, and so we went off to school!  Now, every Mom has been in this situation a million times.  Keep them home or send them?  It's a tough call.  I confess I have felt my share of anger toward Moms who have sent their little ones to school, obviously ill.  I've always thought to myself it not fair for them to expose my kid because they didn't want to take the day off.  I'M SORRY FOR THINKING THIS WAY!  FORGIVE ME, WORKING MOMS!  It's only the third week in and I did not feel I could miss my classes.  Had she a fever, I would have most definitely kept her home.  But, she did not...and so I have become one of THOSE moms: )  I was so unsure of my decision.  I only half listened in class because I worried about my little one.  My worry subsided when I picked her up in the afternoon.  She was the happiest I've ever seen her after a day at school!  She spent the entire afternoon singing away - snot encrusted on her face, scratchy voice and all!  She informed me that all her friends had colds, too!  She thought it was funny: )  I served her homemade chicken soup for dinner.  She is a happy little girl and I survived my first sending-her-to-school-sick day.  I can't help but worry, though, about the potential for seriously ill children in the future this semester.  How many days will I need to take off for their illness?  And so, I have posted a new family rule:  No sickness on a weekday!  It WILL be a punishable offense! 

Stalker Mom - how do you know if your kid is "normal"?

Yesterday was the first day of school for my kids.  The very first day ever for the girl.  I've never seen  her so excited.  She hardly slept the night before; waking in the middle of the night singing, "school tomorrow, school tomorrow".  She walked right in...no tears.  I was so proud of her and left her beaming in a little chair, attempting to write her name for the very first time.  The boy and I walked across the street to his massive elementary school for his first day of 4th grade.  He was pale and shaky with nerves.  It's still hard for me to send him off on a first day.  Six years ago, I took him to his first day of preschool, just like I did yesterday with the girl.  My talkative, intelligent, silly boy turned into someone else when I took him to school.  He stared at the ceiling and never spoke.  He cried every morning and spent countless minutes in the bathroom, sick with nerves.  When his teachers wanted to talk to me about his inability to speak a couple months in, I was shocked!  It turns out, he never spoke even one word the entire time!  After much research and doctor visits, he was diagnosed with Selective Mutism (SM) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  Selective what?  I know...no one's ever heard of it.  Someday I will tell you all about it, but I must move on to the stalker part of the story.  After walking the boy in to his homeroom, I headed back to my car, feeling a bit empty with no one in tow.  As I was getting into my car, I glanced at the school yard of the girl and found her class running around on the playground!  I ducked away quickly when she peered in my direction, slumping down in the driver's seat so as not to be seen...this was a covert operation, you see.  Any Mom knows you do not let a little one see you when stalking them at school!  As I peaked out the window, I saw a flurry of activity with preschoolers frolicking here and there, up and down, all around ~ all except my little one.  She was standing by her teacher, with her hands to her mouth...a very uncharacteristic stance for the girl.  My heart sank...memories of the boy and his struggles to socialize rushed to my mind and all I could think was, "Oh, no!  Not again!"  I tried to tell myself that this was her very first day of school - EVER- and the rest of them must have gone last year.  She just needs time, right?  OF COURSE!!!!  Her behavior is totally normal.  But, how do we know?  How do us Moms figure out if our kid's behavior is "normal" or if it's something more?  First of all, calm down and think for a minute.  Stop comparing your child to your friend's brilliant daughter, super out-going son, whatever!  Think about them in the context of who they are and what you know they can do!  Next, give it a little time.  Whatever it is you're worried about, wait a month and see if it changes or goes away.  Most of the time, it will!  And finally, trust your instincts.  You know your child better than anyone!  My instincts tell me my girl was just taking it all in and will eventually adjust to her new school life.  Only time will tell if this stalker Mom's instincts are reliable!  We shall see...

Forgiveness

With so much new responsibility in my life, time away from home, and everything else that goes along with being a full time student and mother, I have made a few mistakes in my first couple weeks.  The first mistake I made was to assume all my plans would go off without a hitch...to think everything was nailed down.  I am now faced with a major scheduling snafu (not on my part) and am having to decide whether the girl should go to school full time all week, or spend more time with a babysitter.  Both of these options make me feel guilty.  The next mistake was to think I would be able to do this without feeling mom-guilt for being away from home so much.  I always hated when my Mom felt guilty for doing things for herself ~ why am I doing the same?  The kids seem perfectly happy so far!  The last mistake I made was to stay up too late and let my exhaustion and stress of the adjustment period turn me into a raging monster!  This monster wasn't lurking in anyone's closet, either.  It was out and about ~ on the loose!  The unfortunate recipient of my monster rage?  My husband.  The man came home innocently from a long day's work and I went on attack!  I am not proud of what I've done.  It's also not the first time.  Why do I put my ugliest self out there for the one I love the most?  Always best behavior for strangers who mean nothing.  A good night's rest and some new perspective and I am now reeling with anger at myself for sinking so low.  I tend to handle my mistakes with - you guessed it - more guilt!  I know...I'm working on it.  It's easier for me to ask forgiveness from others than to actually forgive myself.  So, my goals for the next week?  1.  Seek forgiveness from those I've wronged.  2.  Forgive myself!  3.  Get enough rest and go with the flow, realizing that things will never go exactly as planned, so as to avoid another monster appearance in our home.          

A Walk in the Woods

I love the woods.  Perhaps being there reminds me of my childhood adventures in the woods behind our home.  Perhaps it's because being away from the bustle of man-made life brings a sense of closeness to God and the beauty of nature.  Whatever it is, it brings peace to my soul.  Yesterday, the kids and I decided to take a little hike.  They have come to enjoy hiking some easy trails near our home and it is one of my favorite activities with them.  We parked by our usual entrance at around 1:30 pm.  Instead of our customary trail, the boy insisted we try a new one.  A bit longer than the usual mile, we decided we were up for the challenge.  About midway through, it became apparent that it was more than a bit longer and quite more difficult than our tried and true trail.  We were all enjoying the challenge.  The girl got tired so we piggy backed it.  I was enjoying the extra weight she gave me and the burn in my muscles.  It was a gorgeous day...until it wasn't.  The trail suddenly ended about 2 miles in.  It connected to two other trails.  Which way to go?  We chose the trail we were familiar with, thinking the exit by our car about a quarter mile away.  Around this time, the girl began complaining that her legs couldn't hold on in the piggy back position any longer.  She walked a bit, but couldn't make it any further.  So, I picked her up in my arms.  Before I knew it, she was sound asleep on my shoulder.  So, with almost 40 lbs dead weight dangling from my front, the boy and I trudged along.  I'm not sure how far we went, but it soon became apparent the road was no where in sight.  The trail markers had disappeared.  We were on some sort of unmarked trail.  I don't know how it happened.  The boy began to panic.  My arms feeling like jello, we stopped to sit on the side of a lovely little bridge.  I needed to collect my thoughts.  As I was taking in the splendor around me, I noticed cars whizzing by in the distance through the trees.  Upon further examination, we found we were clear on the opposite side of the reserve from where we needed to be!  At least I now knew our location.  I made a call to my husband...not sure why.  I guess I was hoping for a suggestion.  I was so tired!  I wanted to believe the GPS on my phone would lead me to my car, but of course the trails were not on the map.  If we stuck to the outside of the reserve, it would be about 3.5 miles back to the car.  I just didn't think we could make it.  In a moment of desperation, I tried to walk through the woods, off the trail.  We were directly across from our car.  I thought if I followed the GPS, it would lead us straight there.  In a moments time, my foot was in a hole up to my ankle.  It was then that I realized this was a very dumb thing to do.  So, back to the trail we went.  We trudged our way another couple of miles, all the while a sleeping preschooler draped down my torso.  The boy was crying; he stopped at one point and said he couldn't go on.  He wanted me to call 911.  I explained to him that we couldn't call them just because we were tired.  "Being tired is not an emergency", I said.  We weren't lost.  We were just exhausted.  I coaxed him along as best I could.  I made him laugh.  When that didn't work, I gave him inspirational speeches.  When that stopped working, I yelled.  Not my best moment as a mother, but it got us through the woods!  The girl finally woke up and walked for a bit.  I'm not sure how far we walked, but at 4:30pm, we finally saw the road!  It was a moment of sheer bliss!  I stopped to tie my shoe.  At that very moment, the boy threw down his walking stick, figuring he didn't need it any more.  I felt something stab my arm.  "I think something just stung me", I said.  The boy started to scream the most desperately frightened scream I have ever laid ears on!  His scream frightened the girl, who in turn started screaming.  Suddenly, there were buzzing things swarming all around.  They were stinging my kids!!!!  They both took off running to the road faster than their little legs should be able to go, screaming like maniacs, arms waving in the air!  When we got to the road, we had to walk about a quarter mile to the car.  The boy just kept screaming.  The girl wanted to know why the bugs were stinging us.  She was so confused.  My arm was throbbing, but the girl couldn't walk.  I held her once again, while the boy kept screaming.  I could not think over his noise.  I tried to comfort him.  I tried to hug him.  I calmly encouraged him to stop.  It was like he couldn't even see me.  I finally bellowed at the top of my voice, "STOP SCREAMING!!!!!"  He stopped...stunned.  We made it to the car, the boy sobbing quietly the entire way.  My arm was swollen and throbbing.  I was feeling dizzy, but couldn't decide if it was from sheer fatigue or the sting.  One trip to the emergency room later and life is back to normal.  The kids say they never want to go to the woods again.  I, on the other hand, still view the woods as a place of beauty but realize now I should always have a trail map when going for a hike and will try my best to keep away from wasps nests.         

stuck in the garage and explosions in the kitchen - just a typical first day of school

Today was the day...my first day of school.  It began with a phone call from my new voice teacher.  We have not met.  She has never heard me sing.  She is apparently concerned that I am supposed to do two recitals in two years and have been away for so long.  She wanted to let me know that she's a "stickler for technique" and is thinking I may need to stretch things out and stay an extra year.  Haha!  I've already put in over 4 years of undergrad work.  I will do no more than necessary.  Thanks for the vote of confidence, lady.  So looking forward to meeting you!  Upon hanging up the phone, the babysitter arrived just on time.  The kids don't start school for another week.  So, I grabbed my bag and hopped in the car.  I drove up to the gate and waved my key-fob at the sensor.  It turned green.  The door did not open.  I tried again...and again...and again.  I pressed the call button to alert the office to my dilemma.  No response.  At this point, there was a line of 6 cars behind me.  They were all honking and yelling at me - typical Jersey.  Oh, right!  I'm supposed to EXIT  the garage!  I thought I would just hang out here for a while.  Good thing all the honking and yelling brought me to my senses.  About 15 mins later, a maintenance man came to my rescue.  Needless to say, I was 15 mins late for my very first class.  I'm trying to move forward in life and my first step attempt left me stuck in the garage!  Symbolic?  Perhaps.  But, I was determined not to let it get me down.  I arrived at my class to find the door locked!  I knocked....nothing.  I knocked again...and again.  Finally, a fresh-out-of-high-school young boy opened the door for me.  I was the only non-freshman in the room!  In my next class, the professor asked us to take out our laptops...oops.  Last time I was in college, we didn't need a laptop in class.  After also not having an iPod with me, I realized I am technologically out of touch when it comes to college in the year 2010.  Note to self: bring electronic equipment to school.  And so, I press onward.  My first big challenge?  Find a friend amongst my classmates (not a voice major) who is willing to take a few free voice lessons, then bring them to class and teach a lesson in front of the class.  Now, I don't know anyone other than professors at this school.  Do I just go up to one of the freshman in my earlier class and ask them if they want to sing?  Then, hope they won't mind doing it in front of 20 other people?  Any volunteers?  (It's funny I'm taking a class to learn how to teach voice, when I have been teaching voice for about 12 years: )  So, to end my fabulous first day, I made a fantastic dinner. (vegetarians, look away)  I made tomato sauce from scratch, with some local, grass-fed beef and tons of fresh herbs and veggies.  It was simmering away on the stove when I took the spaghetti squash I was roasting out of the oven.  I placed it on the stove-top and it instantly exploded!!!!  POW!!!!!  A bazillion shards of glass showered down upon my simmering sauce!  I've experienced exploding Pyrex before, but I roasted the squash on a fairly low temp and placed it on a perfectly cool stove top.  What the heck?  Off to Elevation Burger we went!  Midway through dinner, my little one leaned back in her chair and it began to fall backward.  In slow motion, I grabbed the chair about an inch from the floor, her eyes ginormous with fear!  It slammed into my arm, but I summoned my inner Superwoman and curled that wooden chair and my three year old upright!  I am not discouraged!  I found the calamity of a day to be quite amusing.  It was just a typical first day of school, right? 

Butterflies

I feel a little flutter.  It's not about going back to school.  It's not about the business that is getting off to a slow start.  It's about the mini-people who inhabit this tiny apartment with us.  This morning, my preschooler's new teachers-to-be came for a little visit.  They are WONDERFUL!  I couldn't be more pleased.  The young lady, however, became quite clingy and didn't say much.  She is generally so outgoing and silly.  I know she's excited about school, but I see the uncertainty growing in her.  All normal and not a big deal...sort of.  This is her first year of preschool.  She is being thrust into a five day a week program.  Three days are full school days!  That's a lot of school for someone who's never done school before!  Add to that about five hours a week of babysitter time and I fear I may be setting myself up for a disaster!  Deep down, I feel she's ready for more...I think Mom's become somewhat boring to her in the last few months.  I'd like to say I am at least feeling good about the big one's upcoming school year, but alas, I am not.  My 4th grader was diagnosed with Selective Mutism at the age of 3.  He also suffers from OCD and sometimes depression.  He has done remarkably well over the years, mostly due to hard work, therapy, and a diet free of grains, refined sugars, and processed foods.  Something is amiss this summer, however, and the boy's anxiety is through the roof!  Anyone spend a large amount of time with an anxiety-sufferer (particularly someone with OCD)?  It sometimes feels contagious!  His repetitive questions - round and round all day - they make my head spin!  He has made the announcement that he would like to be homeschooled (he was homeschooled for 2nd grade).  Obviously, that can't happen.  His response to my negative reply?  "I won't need you.  You can just tell me what I'm supposed to learn and I'll look it up and teach myself."  Sounds like a great plan, right?  I am now the enemy because I am insisting he give the 4th grade a try: )  So, today I press on ~ head spinning, butterflies, and all.  Tell me about your children and how they handle your absence if you have a full time job.  Have you had preschoolers dive in head first to a full day program in their first year of school?  How did it work for your family?     

Let's Talk Fashion

After a fun-filled, jam-packed, last weekend of summer break, the kids and I made the trek back to North Jersey to make final preparations for my first day of school.  I've spent the afternoon attempting to tie up loose ends, but images of my less-than-desirable wardrobe keep forcing their way into my brain.  What does a thirty-something mother of two wear to college?  I want to say it doesn't matter to me what others think...but let's be honest, it always matters to some extent.  I've never been one to go with the flow when it comes to fashion, but I want to feel good about myself as I make this journey.  I have fallen somewhat into the trap that many young mother's fall into over the years.  My appearance has taken a back seat to the business of motherhood.  I can generally pull something together for a special occasion that I feel ok about, but the day-to-day is always tough for me.  I just don't spend money on myself.  I recently purged my wardrobe (among the many things I've donated this summer) and am left with little that I love.  Now that I've purged, I feel an overwhelming desire to replace the old with new and fabulous.  Herein lies the dilemma.  With no money in the budget for a back-to-school makeover for Mom, I have to pull from what I have.  Being the same age of several professors, I find myself wanting to look a bit more professional so as to not feel like a total loser in their presence.  On the other hand, I will be spending most of my time with classmates 10-15 years my junior.  I'm not looking to make friends, but I don't want to be the dorky old lady no one wants to talk to, either.  How do I strike the perfect balance between professional Mom and undergrad student?  Let me know your ideas of the ideal first day of school outfit for this Mom on a Mission: )  Any thrifty people out there with suggestions on how to stretch a buck when creating a wardrobe?  Any crafty mama's know how to make something new and fantastic out of something old and drab?  Let's talk fashion!

Snacks

We do not partake in processed foods.  Our children cannot eat any grains.  We do not consume sugar or additives of any sort.  For the most part, I have adjusted and can easily create meals around our diet.  The problem is always snacks!  With school coming closer, I am going to great lengths to create lunch box friendly snacks that my kids won't be embarrassed to eat at school.  There's always fruit, but they get tired of it and quite frankly, I don't want them constantly eating sweet things for snack.  So far, our newest additions to the snack rotation for school this year are roasted chick peas (they are crunchy) and crispy cheese chips.

Roasted Chick Peas:
soak 2 cups chick peas in water with a tablespoon of sea salt over night
drain chick peas
toss them with avocado oil until lightly coated (you can substitute any oil)
sprinkle to taste (I find it's best to be quite generous with the seasonings) with sea salt and whatever seasonings appeal to you -  we like garlic powder, paprika, chili powder (tossing in tamari is good, too)
bake in a single layer in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for about an hour
cool completely and store in air tight container

(the timing of these can be tricky - they will still feel a bit soft in the middle when they're hot.  after they cool, they will be crunchy.  If you wait for them to be crunchy all the way through, upon cooling they will break  your teeth: )

Crispy Cheese Chips:
preheat oven to 350 degrees
grate mild cheddar cheese
place in little piles on a pizza stone and sprinkle with dried basil and garlic powder (plains is fine, too)
bake for 10 - 15 mins
cool on paper towels
store in air tight container

Anyone else have any recipes to share?  I'm always on the lookout for new snacks!

lessons on the skating rink floor

I was a competitive figure roller skater from the ripe old age of 2 until around 5. (dramatic pause)  The best part about that line is you think I'm joking...I'm not.  I really did roller skate competitively.  I have pictures to prove it for those who remain skeptical: )  Today, we went to the skating rink.  My 9 year old has only been once before and this was the first for my 3 year old.  I LOVE to skate.  I love to feel the wind in my hair and just go.  Now, my children have apparently not been blessed with my "gift" of ease on wheels.  It was a test of patience to go around that rink at a snails pace with them, falling every 2 seconds.  The big one seemed to be angry about the fact that he couldn't just take off...instead he clung to the wall.  Have you ever watched someone struggle on roller skates?  I realized today - they always move their feet too fast.  It's this crazy, back and forth motion, arms flailing as they desperately try to find balance.  Today's epiphany: if you want to go fast on roller skates, you have to move slowly.  The skating lesson I gave my son was to find his center, concentrate on where he wanted to go, and move his feet in a slow, but controlled way.  As he did this, he found himself moving farther, faster.  He's no expert, but he's making progress.  I often feel discouraged about the lack of forward motion in my life.  Do you ever find yourself flailing and shuffling, trying to find balance, to move ahead, moving your "feet" too fast?  Life is like roller skating!  Find your center, focus on where you want to go, and move yourself in a slow, but controlled way.  Before you know it, you'll be flying around the rink of life; )  Please pardon the extreme cheesiness of this post.  My excuse?  2 hours of sleep last night, a 3 hour drive today, plus 3 hrs of roller skating, followed by a bridal shower.  Wonder how I'll feel about this after a good night's sleep?

The Cleaning Ritual

I hate cleaning.  I make no apologies.  It's not my thing.  I reluctantly do my best to keep up with day to day housework.  I do laundry and dishes several times daily.  I attempt to pick things up at the end of the day.  Somehow, the place inevitably ends up looking like a war zone.  I've tried enlisting the help of my children.  A daily chore chart, which has worked wonders, has been helpful.  However, I just can't manage to stay on top of it.  So, any time someone is coming over, I spend a frantic day doing the cleaning ritual.  I learned it from my mother.  The house must be spotless before any guests arrive.  I start at one end and clean like a madwoman to the other end of the house.  I neglect my children for most of this day ~ movies, books, ANYTHING to keep them out of my way.  Today was one of those days.  We are not having any type of exciting house guest.  The babysitter is coming.  Yes, the grownups are having a night out on the town!  The prospect of this would be much more exciting had I not exhausted myself for 9 hours today scrubbing the place down.  Is it really necessary for me to do this just because a babysitter will be here?  I tried to tell myself I was not doing it merely for the babysitter.  School starts next week, the kids and I are going away for our last summer hurrah this weekend, and I want to be clean and organized when we return.  This is true, but had the babysitter not been looming on the horizon, I would not have gone so far.  I was just thinking...in two weeks, I will have a babysitter in the house 2 days a week!  Does this mean I have to do the cleaning ritual twice every week?  Is it possible I'll be able to keep the clutter at bay, knowing there will be a regular visitor?  Does it matter as much as I think it matters?  I think I need help!  So, tell me...what do you do?  Do you have a cleaning ritual?  Are you one of "those" people who's home is ALWAYS spotless?  What's your secret?  Do you allow visitors in your clutter?  ENLIGHTEN ME, people!  I need it.     

Donating Things That Don't Belong to Me...Oops

We moved into our apartment in the fabulous Montclair, NJ about 6 months ago.  This is the first time we've been in an apartment (not a house) in 6 years.  It is all part of the finishing school plan - downsizing goes along with it.  We have a great place but it is SMALL!  We sold all our big things and replaced them with little things from Ikea.  It was freeing in a way.  It quickly became clear that we still have TOO MUCH STUFF!  So, it's become a project.  I've sold many a priceless possession for far less than it's worth on Craiglist.  We've been donating things left and right; anything not nailed down ~ look out!  On Tuesday, the kids and I donated a large box of books to the library.  The box has been sitting here for over a month.  Little by little, we've added to it.  As I was handing the box over, my son grabbed a book off the top and said, "isn't this Daddy's".  It WAS Daddy's, but Daddy had told me we could donate it.  The boy insisted, "are you sure?"  Of course I was sure...what kind of person donates things that don't belong to them?  Cut to this morning, Thursday...my husband is searching all over the book shelf and around the house.  He looks forlorn.  "Have you seen my book, 'Design Patterns'?"  Why yes, yes I have.  I gave it to the library on Tuesday...the sinking feeling in my stomach left me squirming in his gaze.  He looked confused and somewhat shocked...I'm not sure if he even believed me at first.  So, I swallowed my pride and did the unthinkable...I went back to the library and told them I needed my donation back: )  I was escorted into a back room stacked on all sides with books - tables piled 30 deep - boxes on the floor - SO MANY BOOKS!  The kids and I began searching, but to no avail.  Interestingly, I didn't see any of the books we had given.  I was told to look on the sale racks where they sell the books not suitable for shelving to raise money for the library.  Not one of our books graced these shelves.  "I guess it's been sold then." she told me.  Sold for $1!  My husband's $50, almost new book that he needs for his work was sold for $1!!!!  Not to mention every single other book we donated - apparently sold, as well.  In 2 days, they sorted, shelved, and sold them all!  That's impressive.  I, on the other hand, hang my head in shame and vow to check, recheck, triple check before I get rid of something that doesn't belong to me in the future.     

Taking Care of Business Day

There's much to be done as summer is coming to an end, school is looming around the corner, and my business is trying to get off the ground.  A slow start this morning, I mustered some inner strength from the depths of my being and proclaimed the day, "Taking Care of Business Day".  Do I see a national holiday in the future?   It was a day of running errands and accomplishing many tasks, which means dragging the kids all over town.  In order to get them on my side after my proclamation, I lead them in a rousing game of "Simon Says".  With a good dose of exercise (disguised as a game) and a long list in tow, we set out.  We purchased a thermos for the little one's lunch box - this is not as simple as it sounds.  Had to be double-wall insulated, high grade stainless steal, lead free, pthalate free, BPA free, aluminum free, etc.  (insert eye roll from many of you here)  It also had to be shallow enough for my preschooler to get her little bamboo spork into AND meet her approval.  Purchased it a Go Lightly in Montclair - great little shop!  The rest of the day we spent filling out paperwork and taking it to the little one's pre-K, filming two scenes of a little film the kids and I are making for a contest, purchasing some school supplies at the Montclair State Bookstore, doing a little food shopping at Whole Foods, planting a tree in the park (no kidding - we did!), washing 4 loads of laundry, cooking three meals (all from scratch), and some other random household chores.  I have to say, the young-ins were troopers until about 4:00pm.  The rest of the night was a whirlwind of craziness - the kind of craziness that makes a Mom's head spin!  He pushed me, she kicked me, he's bossing me around, she's yelling at me...ahh!  I thought about locking myself in my room with a good book or something (who am I kidding, it would be a pint of Ben and Jerry's I'd escape with), but instead I put on my best "Taking Care of Business Day" face and I took care of business.

Why a blog?

I used to write. All day, every day. I have journal upon journal filled with the musings of a quirky, artsy, deeply feeling young woman. Upon the birth of my first child in 2000, the entries became less and less. I could barely muster the words to create a shopping list. For the past 10 years, I have been moving in so many directions, caring for my 2 children and my husband, trying to keep myself creative. An actor/singer by trade, I never really intended to give up on my "career" to raise my children. I thought I could have it all. It worked for a little while. But, when child number 1's anxiety disorders took up residence in our home, I realized it was time for me to let go of my own dreams in order to pave the way for the dreams of my children. I've worked from time to time. I could probably count on one hand (well, maybe two) the plays, films, concerts I've performed in during the last 6 years. I resigned myself to teaching and working the hours around family. I was able to be a "stay-at-home" Mom, while working part time. We have never had a babysitter or nanny care for our 2 children (other than the occasional night out). I am grateful for the time I've had with them...I know so many women who long to stay home with their children, but can't. However, the nagging of my inner-creative spirit has grown stronger. Some days, I can hardly hear over it's noise! Now, I have never been the conventional sort of anything...sort of a nerd, but not in the conventional sense. Not a conventional actor, nor a conventional mother. The black sheep of my family, you might say. I often choose to go against the grain. I do not eat, clean, teach, or for that matter do most anything in what most would consider typical fashion. So, why a blog? I thought about a journal, but it seemed a bit archaic. Why now? With my youngest heading to preschool and my sanity heading south for the winter, I have become a woman on a mission. I am ready to contribute to the creative world around me, to contribute financially to my family, to FINALLY finish school and move on to accomplish the things I am meant to accomplish. 9 days from now I will be a full time student. I am currently starting a business teaching music and acting to homeschoolers. I will continue to be an active and present Mom. I will begrudgingly continue to cook and clean: ) So, can a mother bring home the bacon, so to speak, and at the same time be there for her children in the way she was as a stay-at-home Mom? Follow my journey and find out!