Forgiveness

With so much new responsibility in my life, time away from home, and everything else that goes along with being a full time student and mother, I have made a few mistakes in my first couple weeks.  The first mistake I made was to assume all my plans would go off without a hitch...to think everything was nailed down.  I am now faced with a major scheduling snafu (not on my part) and am having to decide whether the girl should go to school full time all week, or spend more time with a babysitter.  Both of these options make me feel guilty.  The next mistake was to think I would be able to do this without feeling mom-guilt for being away from home so much.  I always hated when my Mom felt guilty for doing things for herself ~ why am I doing the same?  The kids seem perfectly happy so far!  The last mistake I made was to stay up too late and let my exhaustion and stress of the adjustment period turn me into a raging monster!  This monster wasn't lurking in anyone's closet, either.  It was out and about ~ on the loose!  The unfortunate recipient of my monster rage?  My husband.  The man came home innocently from a long day's work and I went on attack!  I am not proud of what I've done.  It's also not the first time.  Why do I put my ugliest self out there for the one I love the most?  Always best behavior for strangers who mean nothing.  A good night's rest and some new perspective and I am now reeling with anger at myself for sinking so low.  I tend to handle my mistakes with - you guessed it - more guilt!  I know...I'm working on it.  It's easier for me to ask forgiveness from others than to actually forgive myself.  So, my goals for the next week?  1.  Seek forgiveness from those I've wronged.  2.  Forgive myself!  3.  Get enough rest and go with the flow, realizing that things will never go exactly as planned, so as to avoid another monster appearance in our home.