Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming

Have you noticed the infrequency of my blog posts?  Yes, it's true!  I'm a tad overwhelmed.  This little project of mine has turned out to be a bit more than I bargained for.  Homework is taking up SO much time, I feel like I'm slacking on the important things a bit!  Last week, I was called out of class to pick up the boy.  While he was recovering and I was fighting off the same illness, I had to make time for the girl's marathon birthday week!  Visiting her class to make music with them, preparing a special birthday treat for her to take to school (no cupcakes here - we took strawberries with homemade whipped cream), a cake (grain-free) on her actual birthday, and of course the Princess Tea Party on the weekend!  Whew!  Cleaning and cooking were the theme of this week's story.  I feel like my mind is constantly swimming with information I'm supposed to retain, dates and times to keep track of, grocery lists, songs to sing, etc.  I try to write it all down, to create a task list on the computer, to send myself reminder emails...inevitably I find I ALMOST forget SOMETHING on a pretty regular basis.  Sometimes I find myself telling my kids to be quiet, simply because I can't hear myself think - literally!  The girl had a fabulous birthday and I know that's what's important.  But, I was distracted by the never-ending to-do list in my brain.  I'm barely keeping my head above water, but I keep thinking of the beloved Dori from Finding Nemo and tell myself to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming."     

No Sickness on a Weekday!

Well, the inevitable happened.  After her first week of preschool, the girl came home ill on Friday.  A sore throat turned stuffy nose with an extra helping of crankiness.  In our home, medication is a last resort; we treat most illness with rest, water, and healing foods.  And so, I took extra care of my baby over the weekend, with the hope that she'd be well enough for school come Monday.  She got up this morning with a scratchy voice and stuffy nose.  The little circles under her eyes and her pasty skin made it quickly clear that she was indeed not entirely well yet.  Sigh.  The stay-at-home Mom within me would have kept her home from school, cuddling on the couch, drinking homemade broth with lots of raw garlic.  But, alas, I am a stay-at-home Mom no longer!  What to do?  She did not have a fever (not at all since Friday) and her nose was not running.  She seemed to perk up a bit, and so we went off to school!  Now, every Mom has been in this situation a million times.  Keep them home or send them?  It's a tough call.  I confess I have felt my share of anger toward Moms who have sent their little ones to school, obviously ill.  I've always thought to myself it not fair for them to expose my kid because they didn't want to take the day off.  I'M SORRY FOR THINKING THIS WAY!  FORGIVE ME, WORKING MOMS!  It's only the third week in and I did not feel I could miss my classes.  Had she a fever, I would have most definitely kept her home.  But, she did not...and so I have become one of THOSE moms: )  I was so unsure of my decision.  I only half listened in class because I worried about my little one.  My worry subsided when I picked her up in the afternoon.  She was the happiest I've ever seen her after a day at school!  She spent the entire afternoon singing away - snot encrusted on her face, scratchy voice and all!  She informed me that all her friends had colds, too!  She thought it was funny: )  I served her homemade chicken soup for dinner.  She is a happy little girl and I survived my first sending-her-to-school-sick day.  I can't help but worry, though, about the potential for seriously ill children in the future this semester.  How many days will I need to take off for their illness?  And so, I have posted a new family rule:  No sickness on a weekday!  It WILL be a punishable offense! 

Stalker Mom - how do you know if your kid is "normal"?

Yesterday was the first day of school for my kids.  The very first day ever for the girl.  I've never seen  her so excited.  She hardly slept the night before; waking in the middle of the night singing, "school tomorrow, school tomorrow".  She walked right in...no tears.  I was so proud of her and left her beaming in a little chair, attempting to write her name for the very first time.  The boy and I walked across the street to his massive elementary school for his first day of 4th grade.  He was pale and shaky with nerves.  It's still hard for me to send him off on a first day.  Six years ago, I took him to his first day of preschool, just like I did yesterday with the girl.  My talkative, intelligent, silly boy turned into someone else when I took him to school.  He stared at the ceiling and never spoke.  He cried every morning and spent countless minutes in the bathroom, sick with nerves.  When his teachers wanted to talk to me about his inability to speak a couple months in, I was shocked!  It turns out, he never spoke even one word the entire time!  After much research and doctor visits, he was diagnosed with Selective Mutism (SM) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  Selective what?  I know...no one's ever heard of it.  Someday I will tell you all about it, but I must move on to the stalker part of the story.  After walking the boy in to his homeroom, I headed back to my car, feeling a bit empty with no one in tow.  As I was getting into my car, I glanced at the school yard of the girl and found her class running around on the playground!  I ducked away quickly when she peered in my direction, slumping down in the driver's seat so as not to be seen...this was a covert operation, you see.  Any Mom knows you do not let a little one see you when stalking them at school!  As I peaked out the window, I saw a flurry of activity with preschoolers frolicking here and there, up and down, all around ~ all except my little one.  She was standing by her teacher, with her hands to her mouth...a very uncharacteristic stance for the girl.  My heart sank...memories of the boy and his struggles to socialize rushed to my mind and all I could think was, "Oh, no!  Not again!"  I tried to tell myself that this was her very first day of school - EVER- and the rest of them must have gone last year.  She just needs time, right?  OF COURSE!!!!  Her behavior is totally normal.  But, how do we know?  How do us Moms figure out if our kid's behavior is "normal" or if it's something more?  First of all, calm down and think for a minute.  Stop comparing your child to your friend's brilliant daughter, super out-going son, whatever!  Think about them in the context of who they are and what you know they can do!  Next, give it a little time.  Whatever it is you're worried about, wait a month and see if it changes or goes away.  Most of the time, it will!  And finally, trust your instincts.  You know your child better than anyone!  My instincts tell me my girl was just taking it all in and will eventually adjust to her new school life.  Only time will tell if this stalker Mom's instincts are reliable!  We shall see...

Forgiveness

With so much new responsibility in my life, time away from home, and everything else that goes along with being a full time student and mother, I have made a few mistakes in my first couple weeks.  The first mistake I made was to assume all my plans would go off without a hitch...to think everything was nailed down.  I am now faced with a major scheduling snafu (not on my part) and am having to decide whether the girl should go to school full time all week, or spend more time with a babysitter.  Both of these options make me feel guilty.  The next mistake was to think I would be able to do this without feeling mom-guilt for being away from home so much.  I always hated when my Mom felt guilty for doing things for herself ~ why am I doing the same?  The kids seem perfectly happy so far!  The last mistake I made was to stay up too late and let my exhaustion and stress of the adjustment period turn me into a raging monster!  This monster wasn't lurking in anyone's closet, either.  It was out and about ~ on the loose!  The unfortunate recipient of my monster rage?  My husband.  The man came home innocently from a long day's work and I went on attack!  I am not proud of what I've done.  It's also not the first time.  Why do I put my ugliest self out there for the one I love the most?  Always best behavior for strangers who mean nothing.  A good night's rest and some new perspective and I am now reeling with anger at myself for sinking so low.  I tend to handle my mistakes with - you guessed it - more guilt!  I know...I'm working on it.  It's easier for me to ask forgiveness from others than to actually forgive myself.  So, my goals for the next week?  1.  Seek forgiveness from those I've wronged.  2.  Forgive myself!  3.  Get enough rest and go with the flow, realizing that things will never go exactly as planned, so as to avoid another monster appearance in our home.          

A Walk in the Woods

I love the woods.  Perhaps being there reminds me of my childhood adventures in the woods behind our home.  Perhaps it's because being away from the bustle of man-made life brings a sense of closeness to God and the beauty of nature.  Whatever it is, it brings peace to my soul.  Yesterday, the kids and I decided to take a little hike.  They have come to enjoy hiking some easy trails near our home and it is one of my favorite activities with them.  We parked by our usual entrance at around 1:30 pm.  Instead of our customary trail, the boy insisted we try a new one.  A bit longer than the usual mile, we decided we were up for the challenge.  About midway through, it became apparent that it was more than a bit longer and quite more difficult than our tried and true trail.  We were all enjoying the challenge.  The girl got tired so we piggy backed it.  I was enjoying the extra weight she gave me and the burn in my muscles.  It was a gorgeous day...until it wasn't.  The trail suddenly ended about 2 miles in.  It connected to two other trails.  Which way to go?  We chose the trail we were familiar with, thinking the exit by our car about a quarter mile away.  Around this time, the girl began complaining that her legs couldn't hold on in the piggy back position any longer.  She walked a bit, but couldn't make it any further.  So, I picked her up in my arms.  Before I knew it, she was sound asleep on my shoulder.  So, with almost 40 lbs dead weight dangling from my front, the boy and I trudged along.  I'm not sure how far we went, but it soon became apparent the road was no where in sight.  The trail markers had disappeared.  We were on some sort of unmarked trail.  I don't know how it happened.  The boy began to panic.  My arms feeling like jello, we stopped to sit on the side of a lovely little bridge.  I needed to collect my thoughts.  As I was taking in the splendor around me, I noticed cars whizzing by in the distance through the trees.  Upon further examination, we found we were clear on the opposite side of the reserve from where we needed to be!  At least I now knew our location.  I made a call to my husband...not sure why.  I guess I was hoping for a suggestion.  I was so tired!  I wanted to believe the GPS on my phone would lead me to my car, but of course the trails were not on the map.  If we stuck to the outside of the reserve, it would be about 3.5 miles back to the car.  I just didn't think we could make it.  In a moment of desperation, I tried to walk through the woods, off the trail.  We were directly across from our car.  I thought if I followed the GPS, it would lead us straight there.  In a moments time, my foot was in a hole up to my ankle.  It was then that I realized this was a very dumb thing to do.  So, back to the trail we went.  We trudged our way another couple of miles, all the while a sleeping preschooler draped down my torso.  The boy was crying; he stopped at one point and said he couldn't go on.  He wanted me to call 911.  I explained to him that we couldn't call them just because we were tired.  "Being tired is not an emergency", I said.  We weren't lost.  We were just exhausted.  I coaxed him along as best I could.  I made him laugh.  When that didn't work, I gave him inspirational speeches.  When that stopped working, I yelled.  Not my best moment as a mother, but it got us through the woods!  The girl finally woke up and walked for a bit.  I'm not sure how far we walked, but at 4:30pm, we finally saw the road!  It was a moment of sheer bliss!  I stopped to tie my shoe.  At that very moment, the boy threw down his walking stick, figuring he didn't need it any more.  I felt something stab my arm.  "I think something just stung me", I said.  The boy started to scream the most desperately frightened scream I have ever laid ears on!  His scream frightened the girl, who in turn started screaming.  Suddenly, there were buzzing things swarming all around.  They were stinging my kids!!!!  They both took off running to the road faster than their little legs should be able to go, screaming like maniacs, arms waving in the air!  When we got to the road, we had to walk about a quarter mile to the car.  The boy just kept screaming.  The girl wanted to know why the bugs were stinging us.  She was so confused.  My arm was throbbing, but the girl couldn't walk.  I held her once again, while the boy kept screaming.  I could not think over his noise.  I tried to comfort him.  I tried to hug him.  I calmly encouraged him to stop.  It was like he couldn't even see me.  I finally bellowed at the top of my voice, "STOP SCREAMING!!!!!"  He stopped...stunned.  We made it to the car, the boy sobbing quietly the entire way.  My arm was swollen and throbbing.  I was feeling dizzy, but couldn't decide if it was from sheer fatigue or the sting.  One trip to the emergency room later and life is back to normal.  The kids say they never want to go to the woods again.  I, on the other hand, still view the woods as a place of beauty but realize now I should always have a trail map when going for a hike and will try my best to keep away from wasps nests.         

stuck in the garage and explosions in the kitchen - just a typical first day of school

Today was the day...my first day of school.  It began with a phone call from my new voice teacher.  We have not met.  She has never heard me sing.  She is apparently concerned that I am supposed to do two recitals in two years and have been away for so long.  She wanted to let me know that she's a "stickler for technique" and is thinking I may need to stretch things out and stay an extra year.  Haha!  I've already put in over 4 years of undergrad work.  I will do no more than necessary.  Thanks for the vote of confidence, lady.  So looking forward to meeting you!  Upon hanging up the phone, the babysitter arrived just on time.  The kids don't start school for another week.  So, I grabbed my bag and hopped in the car.  I drove up to the gate and waved my key-fob at the sensor.  It turned green.  The door did not open.  I tried again...and again...and again.  I pressed the call button to alert the office to my dilemma.  No response.  At this point, there was a line of 6 cars behind me.  They were all honking and yelling at me - typical Jersey.  Oh, right!  I'm supposed to EXIT  the garage!  I thought I would just hang out here for a while.  Good thing all the honking and yelling brought me to my senses.  About 15 mins later, a maintenance man came to my rescue.  Needless to say, I was 15 mins late for my very first class.  I'm trying to move forward in life and my first step attempt left me stuck in the garage!  Symbolic?  Perhaps.  But, I was determined not to let it get me down.  I arrived at my class to find the door locked!  I knocked....nothing.  I knocked again...and again.  Finally, a fresh-out-of-high-school young boy opened the door for me.  I was the only non-freshman in the room!  In my next class, the professor asked us to take out our laptops...oops.  Last time I was in college, we didn't need a laptop in class.  After also not having an iPod with me, I realized I am technologically out of touch when it comes to college in the year 2010.  Note to self: bring electronic equipment to school.  And so, I press onward.  My first big challenge?  Find a friend amongst my classmates (not a voice major) who is willing to take a few free voice lessons, then bring them to class and teach a lesson in front of the class.  Now, I don't know anyone other than professors at this school.  Do I just go up to one of the freshman in my earlier class and ask them if they want to sing?  Then, hope they won't mind doing it in front of 20 other people?  Any volunteers?  (It's funny I'm taking a class to learn how to teach voice, when I have been teaching voice for about 12 years: )  So, to end my fabulous first day, I made a fantastic dinner. (vegetarians, look away)  I made tomato sauce from scratch, with some local, grass-fed beef and tons of fresh herbs and veggies.  It was simmering away on the stove when I took the spaghetti squash I was roasting out of the oven.  I placed it on the stove-top and it instantly exploded!!!!  POW!!!!!  A bazillion shards of glass showered down upon my simmering sauce!  I've experienced exploding Pyrex before, but I roasted the squash on a fairly low temp and placed it on a perfectly cool stove top.  What the heck?  Off to Elevation Burger we went!  Midway through dinner, my little one leaned back in her chair and it began to fall backward.  In slow motion, I grabbed the chair about an inch from the floor, her eyes ginormous with fear!  It slammed into my arm, but I summoned my inner Superwoman and curled that wooden chair and my three year old upright!  I am not discouraged!  I found the calamity of a day to be quite amusing.  It was just a typical first day of school, right? 

Butterflies

I feel a little flutter.  It's not about going back to school.  It's not about the business that is getting off to a slow start.  It's about the mini-people who inhabit this tiny apartment with us.  This morning, my preschooler's new teachers-to-be came for a little visit.  They are WONDERFUL!  I couldn't be more pleased.  The young lady, however, became quite clingy and didn't say much.  She is generally so outgoing and silly.  I know she's excited about school, but I see the uncertainty growing in her.  All normal and not a big deal...sort of.  This is her first year of preschool.  She is being thrust into a five day a week program.  Three days are full school days!  That's a lot of school for someone who's never done school before!  Add to that about five hours a week of babysitter time and I fear I may be setting myself up for a disaster!  Deep down, I feel she's ready for more...I think Mom's become somewhat boring to her in the last few months.  I'd like to say I am at least feeling good about the big one's upcoming school year, but alas, I am not.  My 4th grader was diagnosed with Selective Mutism at the age of 3.  He also suffers from OCD and sometimes depression.  He has done remarkably well over the years, mostly due to hard work, therapy, and a diet free of grains, refined sugars, and processed foods.  Something is amiss this summer, however, and the boy's anxiety is through the roof!  Anyone spend a large amount of time with an anxiety-sufferer (particularly someone with OCD)?  It sometimes feels contagious!  His repetitive questions - round and round all day - they make my head spin!  He has made the announcement that he would like to be homeschooled (he was homeschooled for 2nd grade).  Obviously, that can't happen.  His response to my negative reply?  "I won't need you.  You can just tell me what I'm supposed to learn and I'll look it up and teach myself."  Sounds like a great plan, right?  I am now the enemy because I am insisting he give the 4th grade a try: )  So, today I press on ~ head spinning, butterflies, and all.  Tell me about your children and how they handle your absence if you have a full time job.  Have you had preschoolers dive in head first to a full day program in their first year of school?  How did it work for your family?